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1. |
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it's absurd to even write this song
i don't know you
you're just a glimpse of a pattern you might not fit
of course you don't
this has been my problem all along
the jumping into
imaginary futures where our love somehow forms
of course it won't
a manic pixie mary magdalene
always healing
wounds that appear with no memories of injury
of course they don't
you say it in the subjects you select
where you're heading
is far from home so you never neglect your dreams
you better not
a mary pixie manic magdalene
always keeping trace
of where she's yet to run
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2. |
Heartbreak Starshot
05:12
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one of the first questions
you ever asked me was
where i'd like to travel if i could
you were hoping for japan
or at least across an ocean
but that never interested me
you see i want to explore
just on a grander scale
i'll take the universe and nothing less
but the cold of space oppresses
and the distances subdue
any promises or destinations
if i find a way
if there is a path
i will save your place
it starts with shared ambition
and coherent light
directed at us lovers one by one
we planned this trip together
and left our homes behind
the gleam of centauri in our eyes
and as my turn approaches
i face you one last time
the brightness of your smile it deceives
and as my sight adjusts
you quickly shrink and fade
receding at relativistic speed
if i see you there
if our paths are true
i will save your place
i will save your place
my course was misaligned
i drifted past centauri
maybe i'll see you at circini
in a little more time
and if i should disturb
any trace gases
think of them as a sign
that you were loved here
yes you were loved here
yes you were loved here
you were loved here
you were loved here
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3. |
Movie Sundays
04:28
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i always thought you had it right
that you had seen the truth
you taught me more than i knew then
just about how to be
you were in love and i refused
what you had said to me
i was confused and didn't notice
you were everything
that i've ever loved since
that i've ever sought
in your parents' basement
and all that we've lost
and wherever you are
just know i agree
with every word you said
directed at me
directed at me
i still have the note you wrote
that you never thought i'd read
but i always liked exploring from your view
but i never wrote a song
though you're in every last one
you're a poem called "regret" from junior year
i'm not trying to disrupt
any missions in your life
i'm sorry if i overcheer from afar
but i learned that from you
and many more in turn are grateful
and everyone that knows my love knows some of yours
cause
all i've ever loved since
all i ever sought
are movies in basements
and unbridled talk
and wherever you go
i hope you still feel
as free as you need to
stay wild and loved
for always my love
"for always" my love
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4. |
Unaddressed
05:42
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you've done a lot just to survive
you've felt unsafe and not been wrong
and no matter how hard you have tried
the monsters still take you by surprise
but your heart is pure and full of love
and your instincts are always for peace
did you imagine each time you escaped
that unwelcome men would get back in?
when i desired you i didn't know you
i sang few words you desired to hear but
if i could vanquish the dark surroundings
i'd sing a spell cause you deserve no fear
it's become too much work to conceal
how he never wonders how you feel
but if you're always willing to look past
then bad omens will go unaddressed
and it's a virtue when you persevere
but there's no wisdom when you are consigned
that this is all you ever did deserve
that he is what you pray he truly is
when i desired you i didn't know you
i sang few words you desired to hear but
if i could vanquish the dark surroundings
i'd sing a spell cause you deserve no fear
when i desired you i hardly knew you
but friends are those that you keep by choice and
if time should take you to brighter futures
then none should dare stand or lie in the way
lie in the way
lie in the way
you've done a lot to get this far
and you'll do more each next day that remains
but there is no fundamental force
keeping you in places you aren't safe
run away
run away
run away
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5. |
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i can't shake
that the last ten years
and all the pain through them
it didn't have to happen
i knew when i met you
what we could be for each other
you ran away and i
never stopped crying
and how could i know
if these tears would ever stop
even near or far
your other foot would always be out the door
and on your way
are you done running away?
i know it's you and not me
but that doesn't make it hurt less anyway
sometimes these broken hearts just produce pain
i still can't forget
clammy hands and how they fidget
how you breathed in me
and wanted more
and never asked for seconds
if i ever do forget
how in hours we spent lifetimes
but each death it was permanent
our love a statue stuck in marble
and what is in your mind
when you travel all the time
you don't have to be alone
but it's the company you find
and here in 4/4 time
i've been waiting all my life
for a chance to prove
what i thought was true all along
and how could we know
if our fears would ever calm
even near or far
who's feet would be those in and out the door
and on our way
are we done running away?
i know it's us and not we
but that doesn't make it hurt less anyway
sometimes these broken hearts just produce pain
sometimes it's love that's missing all the same
sometimes when we kissed it was in the rain
sometimes i think our love could win the day
sometimes these broken hearts just produce pain
sometimes these broken hearts just produce pain
sometimes it's love that's missing all the same
sometimes i think our love could win the day
sometimes when we kissed it was in the rain
sometimes when we kisesd it was in the rain
sometimes these broken hearts just produce pain
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6. |
Not Today, Serotonin
02:29
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i've lost the acid tongue
that etched this battle trench
piss, salt, and vinegar
what chemistry is this?
the taste of words i can't take back
the guilded soul is ill
but i can't feel a thing right now
so do with me as you will
my energy is fleeting
the pain is always creeping
i'm dreading everything
i left the elegy unwritten
but i cried
when i felled crooked limbs
that never knew the kind
the pace of hearts that push too fast
the panic in our veins
if we can't solve it all right now
then let's jump off this train
i don't know what i'm fearing
i just know i'm afraid
and it gets better but it won't today
not today
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7. |
Lonely Erosion
04:42
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i've been seeing norah everywhere
a pastel assistant to
thoughts that lead me into
faltering disgressions
and with each infirmary return
i decline remedies that
stink of living death that
taste of vivisection
if i want to survive
then i must brook no change
if i want to remain
then i can't forfeit any dreams
i must stay pristine
i've been letting norah guide me home
she speaks with wistful appetite for
any verse or tone that
understands our quarrel
and as usual i shuffle
through assorted melodies that
never affirm or bring
any consolation
i just want to cry
if i want to survive
then i must brook no change
if i want to remain
then i can't forfeit any dreams
letting go of pain
means letting go of me
i must stay pristine
i must stay pristine
norah's been a dream
soft stone polished through tearfall
scattered in fine sand
milled from all this heartache
i always succumb
to this lonely erosion
a channel fathoms deep
where daylight seldom reaches
but you're here with me
you're all that i require
shed a tear or two
help make this basin finer
but you're here with me
you're all that i require
shed a tear or two
help make this basin finer
shed a tear or two
help make this basin finer
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8. |
Plum Poison Glitch Fade
04:17
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you're not a usual human
you get more tired than most
you hyperfixate on resting
is that what you want the most?
but there's always a ringing
a flash of light that's too bright
and a sun that's too hot
bearing down on the plains
but i can tell you the quiet
only comes around you
and your eyes are so bright
each detail comes through
but what will happen if you think
all this is some charade?
because "purple is poison"
isn't that what they say?
but i desire your company
and to probe at your brain
and to learn if you're like me
a plum poison glitch fade
a plum poison glitch fade
you're not a usual human (usual human)
you get more tired than most
you hyperfixate on resting (resting)
is that what you want the most?
and there's always a ringing (can you answer that?)
a flash of light that's too bright
or a sun that's too hot (the sun is so hot)
bearing down on the plains (my god the sun is so hot)
i can tell you the quiet (quiet, quiet)
only comes around you
and your eyes are so bright (bright, bright)
each detail comes through
and what will happen if you think
all this is some charade? (all this is some charade)
because purple is poison (purple is poison)
isn't that what they say?
i desire your company (company)
and to probe at your brain (and to probe at your brain)
and to learn if you're like me
a plum poison glitch fade
a plum poison glitch fade (a plum poison glitch fade)
a plum poison glitch fade (a plum poison glitch fade)
a plum poison glitch fade (a plum poison glitch fade)
a plum poison glitch fade (a plum poison glitch fade)
a plum poison glitch fade
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9. |
Old Songbooks
03:21
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i'm falling back on
things i used to be
insecure and certain
in all of the worst ways
and there is more distance
than every before
between me and
what i expect that
you expect of me
and these old songbooks
speak of a history
of a child learning how to love
and for so long the songs didn't resonate
i'm starting to resemble them again
well i wasn't such a great person
but boi i could dream
in recent memory
i cannot place
solace or composure
in any other's glance
and yet i failed to predict
how you would leave
me without ambition
or without memory
of all these carols
you and i would sing
with a little
hesi
tay
shun
like all these snowflakes
that linger in the air
that just can't decide they want to be
well i never was uncertain in that way
i can't imagine who could be
well these songs never got me through
the troubles since i moved away from home
a compulsion like an illness that draws me in
a fine bespoke delusion of your soft skin
never more than an arm's length away
never having to wonder who will sing these carols with me
i'm falling back on
things i used to be
insecure and certain
in all of the right ways
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10. |
Friendship Park
05:45
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since when was i ok
with treating you this way
with needing you at all
the days are falling in
a pattern that obscures
a look you would give me over
and over
and over
and over where
the attention i needed
the words you repeated
that built all we had
and now haunt me for acting this shadowy play
what is it you used to say?
"you think in reluctant directions
with inelegant expectations"
i'm not sure i ever understood
complacent creeps slowly in
or was it invited?
which one of us let it in?
you had your faith
and i had none
still i was the one
holding out for a miracle
that you would stay
what is it you used to say?
"you think in reluctant directions
with inelegant expectations"
i'm not sure i ever understood
you're uncertain if i ever could
since when was i ok
with leaving you this way
not needing you at all
i try to tell myself
your foot was out the door
but that was only to lead me
or tease me
or draw out my passions
i only hurt you a little
i only broke your heart
and moved away
without seeking forgiveness
or staying in touch
what is it you used to say?
"you think in reluctant directions
with inelegant expectations"
i'm not sure i ever understood
you're uncertain if ever could
it was foolish to think that i ever could
what is it you used to say?
"you think in reluctant directions
with inelegant expectations"
well here are some more
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11. |
Notes In Biology Class
05:06
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i don't remember if
in one of those
notes you wrote me
in freshmen year
said anything
about a song
and if you wanted one
to be for your
to give a reason
to leave him:
he was too old
to be in school
how do i make that kid understand
what you were enduring
what you weren't telling
what if you weren't hiding
at least you hoped i'd see
i felt first it was
a joke you played
a hazing of a bullied child
who never expects
better than neglect
what you saw in me
was empathy
i didn't know
i had in me
i'd buried down where
only damage falls
how do i make that kid understand
what they were enduring
what they weren't telling
what if they weren't hiding
at least they hoped you'd see
the monsters who broke more than you and me
i only remember
you needed a friend
and i was a safe one
you invited in
and megan pretended
while we cuddled in the hall
plan b was a bus trip
to planned parenthood
so you could be free
from his legacy
and megan pretended
while we waited for your call
how do i make that kid understand
how do i make that kid understand
how do i make that kid understand
monsters threaten our lives
and they threaten our friends
and they'll never feel guilt
and will do it again
i'm sorry for not doing more
to help you escape him
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